Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Why Fear Should Not Stop You

My mind is on fire and so I need to do what I do best in these moments.

First, I have to admit, I have really, really been trying to keep my shit together and carry on. That has led me through moments of tears, depression, anger, grief, and lastly apathy. 

So I give up.

I am changing things.

It's really quite simple. While I was busy doing my life and living, I stopped to check in with myself and realized that I was actually slowly dying. Inside.

I can't remember the last time I had an in depth conversation with another human that left me feeling alive, creative, and full of energy, save one, in the past week.

I feel like the outcast of the Mom group, but hey, you know what, I like it that way. I am not the mundane. I never have been nor will I ever be. I am a constantly changing and evolving person and I like change. I may never be quite settled. I seek and live on the next adventure. I love meeting new people. I know there is a whole world out there to explore.

Everything and everyone has drained me. I really hate to break it to you, but I was stuck in a matrix I created. I only just realized this tonight.

This bullshit thing called life as we know it. Really? I think we can do better. 
I know I can do better.

Kenny Rogers sings The Gambler. You've heard it, right? Most of us have. 
"You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, and know when to walk away, know when to run." 
I feel that. It is time to run. 

When everything around you and everyone just makes you feel blah, it is time. I have complained about the area I live in so much that I have become a broken record to myself.
I need something new.

Everything about where I live just does not resonate with me.
I allowed my fear to step in and take hold.

"The fears we don't face become our limits."
"We have no choice but to go through our fears in order to get over them."
"Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision"

I have always been of the mind that it is okay to just leave it all behind and seek better if you just feel that it is necessary.

I am probably the only Mom in our group that listens to Hospin while making muffins. I like to think outside of the box. I like yoga. I like eating healthy and I will turn down running my kid around to be sure I am home to make a meal that fuels me and my kids. 
I operate the way I operate. 

"Life happens not to you, but for you. Work on yourself. 
Fill yourself up and keep your cup full."

I am filling my cup. I am going to make decisions and make a list that will help me with those decisions. I am going to seek the people who went before me to see how they did what I want to do. And I do not plan on letting fear stop me.


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