Monday, October 3, 2016

Fall is in The Air

Happy Fall
{or Autumn as I prefer}

My last post, I shared some insight into what has been going on with me these past 8 months.
It was a hard post to share and I will admit, even writing the post, I still had not fully understood something I needed too.

I still needed to get very honest with myself.
Why was I feeling this way?
Sure there has been a few minor medical issues...hormones do a lot to a woman's body.
But I knew deep down there was more...

My weekend found me at my son's volleyball tournament with some rainy weather.
The team won gold, so we took the kids out for dinner.
I was reluctant to go, however, I have been making myself say yes to more invites.
I know I spend far too much time on my own.

I sat there, with all the parents, and again realized I was one of the only parents without my spouse, again. Yeah. Always without my spouse this year. I have been very much alone on this journey with myself all year. A lot of the struggle was that "Alone" feeling. I had to start asking myself, why? I am a really strong, independent person and I LOVE being alone, so why was I so bothered by this? 
I found the answer, although it wasn't what I thought I would find.

Actually, I can't even say I "Found" it, it is almost like the universe threw it right at me and said "Here, I have been trying to show you this for awhile but you keep ignoring me"

And I had to look...

And even though I was afraid I might break down, I actually didn't.
It gave me strength to look at the issue with open eyes and not try to stop myself from seeing it.
I built a wall around me and wasn't really willing to remove any bricks.
When I finally did, it wasn't as scary as I thought.

The parent gathering was fun.
I met a parent from Italy, who is funny as hell.
When he turned the conversation to the "Rothschild Bank", I knew I was with like minded people.
We had our secret about "yeah we live on the other side of the river"...the good part.
Another parent, married someone from Germany, so we spoke about dual citizenship and why it was not a good idea for them.
We joked about parenting and how damn hard it can be...and why did we do this again...
It was worth the laugh and smiles I had.
I was at peace.
I spent Saturday night to myself. No kids, just me and the cats and my work.
It was peaceful and I slept so well.

And then there is the interesting neighbour...
That's another story, but I am happy that the people I may very well need through this healing journey have entered to remind me of who I am.

To gently remind me that this is just a stage of my life and that I will emerge from it brand new.
Life throws us curve balls.
I was waiting for revival from everyone but me.
I was reminded that I am my own best friend and I have lived through worse.

It is getting easier.
The more curve balls I receive, the stronger I get.

So...let's get on with the week.
I have posts planned all week long to get ready for one of my favorite holidays.

Thanksgiving is this weekend here in Canada and I am looking very forward to celebrating it with two of my favorite people, my son and daughter. 
It will be our time for some much needed bonding for the three of us.
I can see a bottle of wine and Cards against Humanity on the agenda too...

Lotsa Love,

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