Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Journey Back from Hell



Good Morning

Grab a coffee and be sure you have time to read this mornings blog post, it's going to be a little long and I have some confessions.

First, I need to start off by saying that yes, things have been a little off as far as my blog posts go. I tried, I truly did, however I first needed to re-vamp myself.
I did not know this, but I am fully aware of it now.

 The lesson has finally come to completion and I am ready to move to the next level of this journey and I think it is going to be one of the most exciting yet.

So what am I talking about?

I am talking about one of the most excruciating lessons I've had on my journey.
Four years ago I became a Reiki Master on the banks of the RedDeer River. I remember that moment well, the universe welcomed me to a whole new reality and I embraced it whole heartedly, ready to take on all the responsibilities this new role would entail.
Completely inexperienced and untrained.

Little did I know it would take me four long years to learn my new role.

I eagerly went back home, excited to share all I had learned that weekend.
I was greeted with a less then exuberant boyfriend and his Dad who really could care less what I had just experienced. My first of many let downs.

I turned 36 shortly after that only to encounter a back injury that would set me back even further. Couple that with a flood and black mold that found me homeless and getting rid of my precious Reiki items due to black mold damage.

I then moved into a very haunted and disturbing home.
My dreams would be burdened by snakes on a nightly basis for the next 9 months.
I would struggle with the back pain and keep trying to pursue my jewelry business, which did in fact see me try to go out of business, not once, but three times...to no avail.

That was three years ago.

During that time I took it upon myself to move closer to my Mother and try to clear my past of our fights and move on from our disastrous relationship. In those three years I would loose 3 very important people to cancer, all of whom were my mentors and extended family that I cherished and loved dearly....

If that wasn't enough, my final year...this year...year four would see me saying a long string of goodbyes to people who held me back from being who I truly was. That being said, those people were also the catalysts for who I was to become and what I would learn to deeply understand and cherish.

This year seen me saying goodbye to Keith, Ian, and Jeff. Three ex boyfriends that taught me what I don't want in my life. Yup, I am naming them, cause I really understand that it was a goodbye I experienced this year with each of them.

This year also seen me saying goodbye to my own father who passed away in February, my step father who passed away in December, and my own child, who just passed away this July...my own child, that I may have never met, yet I did.

The final assault on my strength of character came this July when, in a matter of 20 mins., I found out I was pregnant and that I was also miscarrying. 

My entire July was spent in pain, agony and full of fear. I wondered how is it possible that me, the Reiki Master, who tells everyone that things happen for a reason, could possibly have all this on my plate in a four year time span? How and why?

I was pissed off. I really was. 

Then divine intervention stepped in to show me another perspective.

I was reminded that when I set out on this journey into the great unknown, no one said it would be easy and no one promised me complete and total freedom from anguish. I did not fear the enemies of the darkness, the loneliness, or the fear that I was told would at times engulf me.

"Your power may grow so that you think you can do anything, it is during this time that it will be striped away and you will be brought to your knees so that you remember who you are and why the power was given to you. Do not abuse it."

These words were told to me at my first sweat with the Cree elders days before my Reiki Master attunement. I did not want to abuse my power, I had no intention of doing wrong, only right, why was I told this?
However, I had lessons to learn before I would step into my power.

After my Masters attunement, I knew what my path was to be.
I seen it clearly. I was to fight the powerful forces that exist in our world.
Demons, sub-demons, monsters, angry ghosts, and all other forms of evil that I wanted nothing to do with! And so, I would struggle for four years against this task, experiencing each of these entities and beings in their true power, scared out of my mind....searching for help from those more powerful then me and they would ignore my requests.

I began to think that perhaps I had done something very wrong to deserve this. And the bigger thought...why me? Why was I given this task to perform?

Everyone will believe me crazy I thought.
No one will understand this I thought.
I am terrified of them I thought.
I don't know what to do about them I thought.
I am alone in this and want nothing more to do with it, I thought.

Four long years of perseverance and testing and guess what?
I'm sick to death of these negative beings.
They are vile and evil and will do harm anywhere they can.
And they exist, believe it or not.
And I am embracing the job given to me, time to step into my power again.

The universe finally stepped in this morning and I did my first chakra balance in four years, four bloody years! I hardly performed Reiki in these past four years except on my Reiki bracelets and my family members.

But this morning, it all became crystal clear.
I can't explain how it all makes sense, there is too much to explain, but I do know that I now fully understand. It is time to come back from the dark.

I need to travel back and thank my teachers, each of them.

I no longer have the desire to be the hero or do it all...we're in this together. Each of us taking on the task given to us and we become an army of one against the evil in this world. Each of us with a job, a task and a skill set, when combined with one another, we become a very powerful force to be reckoned with.
(I am speaking of the teachers I have had)

I am ready to take on the task of teaching my own students.
This is the next step in my journey.
Teach others how to first step into their own power, then how to defend themselves.

And the gifts that I was given for all this anguish, I over looked.

My children are safe from their horrible father.
And...Jason. I was given the gift of true love.
There can be nothing better then true love, it will see you through all things, as Paulo Coelho wrote about in all his books.

The two things I wanted most, I have.

And now, I can fully step into this role, without fear.

I am back form hell and I got loads of knowledge to convey.

I'll keep you posted on the new venture I will be undertaking and I want to have a word on sub-demons and how to spot them and what you can do about them.











Back to Top