Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Without Honour - Heb Anrhydedd - RIP Gary

This mornings blog post was supposed to be about Vision Boards, however I am postponing the post till tomorrow as I have just received news that my Dad has passed away this morning. I was called a few weeks ago and told he would go soon, I had been waiting.

I never went to see him before his passing and I may not attend the funeral. 
You may think this is a harsh thing to say, but let me explain.

My Dad is from southern Alberta, born and raised there. His parents own a ranch with cattle. They are nestled in the desolate prairie in the middle of nowhere. Things are very backwards in that region of Alberta with strange occurrences always happening. My Dad was a cowboy and he attended rodeos on a regular basis. As a kid growing up in that, I hated it with every ounce of my being. It was all he ever cared about.

My parents divorced when I was 14. Dad was an alcoholic and my Mom really couldn't take anymore, one day, after a very bad fight they had the night before, she finally packed and left him for good. I was privy to the fight that night. It wasn't anything I wanted to live through again. My Dad's battle with alcohol tore the family apart. He had four kids, me being the eldest, and do you think he could change? No. Nor would he ever.

Years later, controversy would rip the family apart even more. In my attempts to keep us together, I hosted Christmas dinners, birthday parties, kept in touch and helped my brother and two sisters however I could with all they needed. I took my Dad to a rehab program and offered as much support as I could in the hopes that he could change.

It was for nout. 

Six years ago I separated myself completely from the entire family. For 4 years I had no contact with any of them. I needed it. The years of me giving and them taking and the raging fights my youngest sister would start with family members had taken it's toll on my kindness and generosity. I had had enough. I had enough of the lies, enough of the poor me sob stories and enough of their ignorance to last me a lifetime.

That four years alone taught me to be strong and use the sheer willpower I had in me to mend. I had for so long, blamed myself for all of it. I finally stopped blaming me and realized that my family was a lost cause. 

With my head cleared, my heart mended, and feet planted firmly on the ground, I returned to ground zero. This time around I had a better understanding of the problems each had and realized that their strife was their own and would also be their demise. There was nothing I could do other then be me to save any of them.

By the time I returned my Dad was sick. He had drunk himself basically to death. It started with liver and kidney failure and now a broken sternum and cancer in his bones. In all the time away no one really cared where I had been or what I was doing except for my Mom. 

My Dad never bought me a birthday gift, a Christmas present, or took me for dinner. He never sent me a card, never taught me to drive, never bought me a thing. He never attended my high school graduation nor did he congratulate me when I made the Dean's Honour Roll in college. When my children were born he never came to see them, I took them to him. He never bothered to remember their birthdays or call them at Christmas or even care how they were. He never cared that my daughter was an honour student or that my son was captain of his hockey team and star player. He never cared at all. Even when you told him, he just ignored it, he never said a kind word at all.

My Dad's family consisted of him and his two brothers. My Dad was the eldest. Now as the story goes, they always have blamed my Mom for things. But the truth is, it was never my mother who pushed him off the ranch, rather it was his own brothers and his own mother who took what should have been his. I don't know the whole story, so I can't yet tell it, but I do know that the Guenthners that exist in Consort, Alberta are shameless and dishonourable men. Never did they lift a finger to help my Dad. Never did they care about me or my sisters after the divorce. They took my brother from us and we were never the close four we once were. They aided in destroying our entire family.

My Dad's mother is one of the most wicked women I have ever met. I am embarrassed to be from her bloodline. If my great grandmother Guenthner were alive she would have put my Grandmother in her place. Leta Guenthner, has caused so much trouble in our family that I think at times when I watch a soap opera, not that I typically do this, she is the evil in every scene. I detest the woman. 

When my family was still together, she favoured my brother. She had no problem allowing the school bus driver to drop my brother off after school at her ranch, but would not allow my youngest sister to stay. I don't know how many times my youngest sister came home crying because she wasn't allowed to go to the farm with my brother. It's a no wonder my youngest sister is so completely jaded now. Leta Guenthner started rumours about my Mom, she kicked my Dad off the farm, she insulted me and my sisters, she blatantly ignored us at church pretending we were not her grandchildren, with the exception of my brother, and constantly told me how bad my Mom was anytime that she would actually speak to me. She was a wicked evil woman.

And even now, after all these years, when she seen my own two children at the hospital a year ago when my Dad was very ill, she said to my daughter, I've always favoured the boys, I don't really like the girls. My daughter thinks she's a crazy mong. The funny thing about that, my Grandmother is very close to my Dad's brothers girls...wtf like??

Bottom line.
If you have children you must take care of them.
All of them.
You are a parent, your job is to instruct your children and do the best job you can to produce strong members of society. Love them, hug them, teach them, and step in when they fight. As the head of the household and the family you should never allow your children to fight and carry on. Teach them to forgive and accept each other. Leave a legacy for your children to follow, make a path that is honourable.

My Dad, and his brothers, along with his mother will all die without honour. Dad's death leaves nothing for anyone to remember except for pain and suffering. His Dad, my grandfather died last year around Christmas time, he too died without honour.
If his parents were here now, they would never have let it happen.

At the end of my Dad's life, when my brother called a few weeks ago to tell me he would go soon, there was not so much as a "you should come see him", "he asked for you", nothing. When I tried to inquire more about my Dad, my brother had nothing to say, he was just calling cause he thought it was right. When my sister called this morning, she had nothing to say either. A death should pull a family together, but in a family with no honour and no morals, there is not much to be done.

To me, I have my Mom, and that's all. Mom and I mended. In December this past year her and I laid my step-dad to rest. My step-dad in the last two years was more of a father than my own would ever be. And, although Mike {step-dad} and I had never seen eye to eye, in the end, he apologized and told me he was proud of who I had become and that I was a good mother and a good person.

My Dad died without honour. The legacy he leaves is 3 very spoiled and selfish siblings. What is left for me, is to remember to never die without honour. When I leave this world, my children will know they were loved and they will always be proud of me. Perhaps my own perseverance will change the family legacy, so that some good can come of the family name and start a new branch, the branch my Great Grandmother Guenthner would have wanted.
{Heb Anrhydedd}

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