Sunday, March 16, 2014

Staying True to YOU

{Source: Pintrest}


I've had a hell of a week and needed to really sort through the thoughts I was having. Yesterday they laid my Dad to rest. I wasn't there. 

I'm finally finished. My family crosses every boundary I've ever had and I am making the choice to move forward. I've been here before. You can laugh, but I feel like Harry Potter where my family is concerned. I've said it before, just seems it is a lesson I've had to learn over and over again.

In the aftermath of my Dad's death I found out he died in a different city then they told me he was in. Yeah, they didn't even have the decency to tell me he had been moved. Really makes no difference, he's gone now, there is nothing to be done. 
A sense of freedom washed over me this week.

The best advice I was given about the situation was this: "Remember him as what he was...he's your Dad, he gave you life, and you live it well." 
That's the very best thing anyone could have said to me. 

As for the rest of my so called friends, those that offered condolences were the ones I had not heard from in years and I appreciated their words. Those who were close to me, never said a word and never bothered to offer any sort of reassurance. Mentally, I'm strong, but there are moments that bring me to my knees and test my strength and this week was one of those weeks.

A whole lot of silent tears fell this week and you know, I hate that, crying alone with no one to hold you. But it was good for me. I was able to get it all out, clear my head and find my strength. Those tender moments of your vulnerability are the opportunity to find your strength, you make a choice to either sink or swim.

I like swimming. Today feels like a clean slate. It's time to move forward. Everything that has happened up to this point in my life has gone full circle. Now is the time to plan the next 40 years and what it will look like. Clearing all the baggage and getting my head on straight was what I needed.

I am unable to fit the mold and so I know what my purpose here is now more clearly than I ever have. You can think that you have a support system and people who care about you, but the truth is, when hard times hit, you will be your best friend. 
Better to learn that early on and be strong rather than to fall down each time the people you love let you down. Don't lean on anyone else till you can lean on yourself.

Don't ever lose yourself, not in the problems life gives you, nor in a relationship. It's too hard to pull yourself back up again. Be true to you. I speak this from past experience so trust me. Don't stray from yourself to get closer to someone else, it does you no good. Be who you are, it's why you're here. 
Turn your dreams into reality.
 It's why you have those dreams. 

Build your tribe. They are out there, just stop looking in the places you think they will be and just open yourself up, that tribe of individuals who are just like you are out there. Sometimes you have to just be patient. 
Currently I'm looking for my new

Most importantly, don't be afraid to rid yourself of those who hold you back and bring you down. You'll know who to let go of when you find yourself in darkness and they only want to bring you further down. 

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